What is Disorganized Attachment?
Disorganized attachment is the most extreme insecure attachment style. Also known as fearful-avoidant, it develops from a parent’s consistent failure to respond appropriately to their child’s distress or by a parent’s inconsistent response to their child’s fear & distress.
When people have this attachment style, they have a strong desire for intimate connection but also put up walls to protect themselves from getting hurt – like anger, defensiveness, blame. This attachment style is characterized by fear, mistrust, and inner conflict.
What Does Disorganzied Attachment Look Like?
As an adult, disorganized attachment style can show up as:
- poor coping skills
- lack of coping strategies
- erratic behavior
- difficulty dealing with relational issues
- unpredictability
- volatility
- difficulty trusting others
- extreme need for closeness, couples with tendency to avoid & push others away
- aggressive behavior toward caregivers & partners
- negative self image, low self worth
- deep rooted shame
- feelings of unlovable, inadequate or unworthy
We have a basic need to depend on a partner who is safe and emotionally close. This need is psychological and biological – pre-wired into the limbic brain.
Below are several cards that show what Disorganized Attachment looks like and how a disorganized attached partner behaves in relationship, to both themselves and significant other.
This is an amazing resource reprinted from “thesecurerelationship” found on instagram and created by Julie Menanno LMFT. For a comprehensive set of her “cards” please order her books, which can be found on her website!
- mental health problems
- scared
- dysregulation/dissociation
- combative or don’t speak up
- unpredictable
- push/pull
- painful to be in therapy
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EFT – Emotionally Focused Therapy Can Help
- Emotionally Focused Therapy for individuals, couples and families can help restore Secure Attachment
- EFT works with attachment needs, attachment styles, attachment figures to restore safety & security in relationships
- Through organizing & corrective experiences in therapy, EFT reshapes attachment bonds and helps heal and restore Secure Attachment
- We dismantle anxious, avoidant & disorganizing PROTECTIONS (behaviors) to allow clients to send clearer signals to loved ones in order to receive the love, comfort, closeness, security we all deserve